Black Thumb Bill of Rights

In case I have given the impression that I am some sort of plant expert who knows what she's doing, I will regularly post evidence and trials of my black thumb.

I've been slowly changing how I deal with this, hopefully in a more healthy way. I've noticed some people easily toss aside and move on, saying maddening things like: “All plants have a lifetime. Guess it was its time.” Or the irritatingly chipper: “Guess I get to buy something new!”

I feel responsible for missing early cues that things were going south and doing nothing, or making uneducated decisions that resulted in destruction and loss of cash. I feel guilt, disappointment, and failure. But what I am discovering about all this annoyance at the tossers-aside approach and my own approach of taking things a little more seriously is that what really makes me crazy is how tossers-aside give the appearance of not even wanting to figure out and learn from what COULD BE their own negligence. I think I should owe it to my victims at least to make some sort of attempt to learn: what went wrong; what did I do; how can I avoid this again.

As my dead plant–count grows, I seem to be coming up with my own easier-on-me black thumb accountability and trial system. I think it will help me to accept death, get through the grief and guilt faster, and move on.

Black Thumb Bill of Rights — Amendment I
"In all prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by a jury of this house and in the garden location wherein the crime shall have been committed, and to publicly admit the plant is totally dead; to be confronted with the witnesses against her and listing of possible causes; to have the chance to name a few actions taken to avoid the killing-off, and to have the assistance of others for the speedy removal and (more educated) replacement of the victim plant."

Me v Totally Dead Austrailian Lavender
For example, I discovered this weekend while I was counting to three and then on "two" ripped the dead lavender out of the patio garden, and handed it to J, asking him to get rid of it quickly, I immediatly spouted off my case and rationalization. I presented the facts and conclusion that:

1. FACT: That variety was from Austrailia and never should have been left outside all winter, uncovered.
2. FACT: This is not Austrailia. It would never work. What was I thinking?
3. And the evidence was corroborated by the second specimen contained in the bed with the lilacs: also totally dead.

Sentence
My sentence is that I can't go buy that same type of lavender for the third time, even though I really like how it repeated blooming over and over, and was fast-growing and not picky at all last summer. The dead Austrailian lavender was quickly replaced by a healthier variety that was a bit crowded in another location anyway.

Case closed.

Current Open Case: Me v Tangerine Tree
For today, here is the open case of the once-lovely tangerine tree that J gave me for my birthday last August. It was gorgeous and impressively adorned with two plump fruits.

Exhibit A: Before
(photo taken in December 2006)


Exhibit B: After
(photo taken mid-March 2007)

Are we really really really sure it’s absolutely dead??